“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.” — Lou Holtz

There was a moment recently, simple, even sweet on the surface, that stayed with me longer than I expected.

Someone close to me described me as “the glue.”
The one who holds everything together.
The steady one. The kind one. The calm in the chaos.

And they meant it as a compliment. I recieved it that way because the intention was pure.
But it in my soul, it didn’t land that way. It was actually the catalyse to a quest I didn’t know I needed.

Because when you’ve been the glue for a long time,
you know what it’s really like to live inside that role.

If you’ve always been the one others count on…
If you’re often the emotional anchor, the peacemaker, the “strong one”…
If you’ve spent years smoothing edges, anticipating needs, keeping it all together—

Then you know:
Being the glue slowly erases you.

You stretch to meet the moment.
You bind yourself to roles that keep the peace.
You become so useful that your needs don’t even get asked about.
You smile through what hurts.
You stay flexible so no one else has to be.

And over time, you stop feeling like a person…
and start functioning like a structure.

You Can Be Self-Aware and Still Be Lost

Many of the people I work with are smart, capable, deeply reflective.

They’ve read the books, done the inner work, and value a life of integrity.

But still — somewhere along the way, they lost themselves in the roles they were told to play:

• The good partner.
• The spiritual one.
• The dependable leader.
• The calm, high-achieving mentor who never makes it about them.

But being self-aware doesn’t mean you’re living from truth.
Sometimes, it means you’ve just become really good at performing your values.

And the truth is:
You were never meant to be glue.

You’re allowed to want more than being “the steady one.”
You’re allowed to be seen without being useful.
You’re allowed to unravel a bit—and let others hold you.

You’re allowed to embody what you truly value in your soul.

Letting go of this role might feel selfish.
It might feel dramatic.
It might even feel dangerous.

But what if it’s the most honest thing you’ve ever done?

If You’ve Been the STRONG ONE,Here’s What I Want You to Know

You don’t need to earn your place in the room.
You don’t need to make yourself small to keep things from breaking.
You don’t need to carry what other people refuse to face.

You are not a fixer.
You are not a role.
You are not responsible for everyone else’s emotional weather.

You’re allowed to stop holding it all.

You’re allowed to stop performing.

You’re allowed to come home to you.

3 Ways to SHIFT Today

1. Pause before stepping in.
Ask yourself: Am I helping because I want to or because I always do?

2. Let them be uncomfortable.
Discomfort is not danger. You don’t need to rescue people from their own growth.

3. Let your anger speak.
Resentment isn’t shameful. It’s often the first voice of a boundary you’ve been afraid to set. You can say what needs to be said without piling onto others involved. Words said from love are enough.

You don’t have to leave your kindness behind—just the version of it that costs you your wholeness.

The real you—the one underneath the role, the smile, the emotional labor—deserves to live, lead, and love without performing.

Have you ever felt like “the glue” in your family, relationship, or workplace?
What helped you begin to let go of that role—or what’s still making it hard to release?

Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Your story might be exactly what someone else needs to see today. 💭✨

Written by: Grace Alexis

Timestamp: 7:50 PM PDT