“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’” – Mary Anne Radmacher

Ever notice how you can be confident in one part of your life, but suddenly lose your voice in another?

Same.

With my chosen tribe, I’m expressive, playful, and have a “down for an adventure” spirit. But put me in a “professional” setting, and I start second-guessing every word. I go quiet, uncomfortable, and wonder later, “Why didn’t I just say what I meant?”

It’s a deflating feeling — but through trial and error, I’ve learned this doesn’t have to stay that way.

If you’ve ever thought:

• “Why didn’t I speak up?”
• “Why can I advocate for others but not myself?”
• “Why do I stay silent, then stew in resentment later?”

You’re not broken — you’re human.

And more importantly, you’ve been conditioned.

Because somewhere along the way, we were taught that confidence had to be loud, flawless, and fearless. But here’s what I’ve learned that might not be obvious: confidence isn’t loud.

Whether in your relationships or your work, the kind of confidence that creates a life of truth, presence, and integrity is grounded, steady, and quietly powerful. It’s not about how it looks or sounds—it’s about how it feels. And once you tune into that inner frequency, it’s undeniable.

If I had to simplify it: most of us were conditioned to believe confidence looks like something other than what we see in the mirror. Period.

Confidence isn’t something you find—it’s something you build, moment by moment.

And while there’s nothing wrong with wanting to grow or improve, if the journey toward “better” makes you feel less than who you are right now—it’s time to rewrite that script.

So let’s unpack a few myths together so you can start recognizing the confidence that’s already within you.

Myth #1: Confidence Is a Personality Trait

“You either have it or you don’t.”

Sound familiar? That’s an old story that’s kept too many people playing small.

Confidence isn’t a trait you’re born with — it’s a muscle you build. Every time you keep a promise to yourself, celebrate a small win, or try again after falling short, you’re strengthening that muscle.

All-or-nothing thinking is like walking a tightrope made of thin strands of thread—it doesn’t take much to unravel. It creates a narrow view that skips all the learning, growth, and joy that come from discovering what confidence uniquely looks like for you.

It doesn’t come from being perfect; it comes from being honest — with yourself, your effort, and your growth.

Every act of self-trust adds to your foundation. That’s what turns “I wish I could” into “I know I can.”

Myth #2: Confidence Means Being Fearless

Oh, this one makes me laugh.

Not because it’s silly to believe, but because it’s so common. It’s like watching a horror movie when the main character decides to “check out that noise in the basement”—we all know it’s a terrible idea, but we still go along for the ride.

We’ve been taught to see fear as a flaw. But fear doesn’t mean the absence of confidence—it’s an invitation to strengthen it.

Think of it like getting that golden star in Super Mario that lets you zip past obstacles you once tiptoed around.

True confidence isn’t about being fearless—it’s about being willing.

Willing to show up, be vulnerable, have hard conversations, and trust that each time you do, you’re building resilience and self-respect.

You don’t overcome fear by avoiding it. You become more confident by walking with it.

Myth #3: I’ll Feel Confident, then I’ll Speak Up

We love the moment in every coming-of-age movie where the protagonist finally realizes their worth and steps into their power. It gives us chills because we know that moment lives inside us, too.

But confidence doesn’t magically appear before action—it’s created through it.

When you take a small, brave step—whether that’s speaking up in a meeting, setting a boundary, or simply saying what you mean (I said what I said energy)—you build confidence in motion.

You don’t wait to feel confident to speak up.
You speak up to keep building on your baseline.

Myth #4: Confidence Is External (Looks, Praise, Success)

Ah, the classic.

You don’t need me to tell you that most messages about confidence are focused on the external—how you look, who you know, what you achieve, how others respond.

And while those things have their place (we’re visual creatures, after all), the world within you is just as real and far more powerful.

The most grounded, authentic confidence comes from internal alignment, presence, and self-trust.

People who root their confidence in self-respect notice judgmental patterns faster, choose love over fear more often, and extend compassion when they fall short. They know that grace isn’t an afterthought—it’s part of the strategy.

Confidence that begins within creates an unshakable foundation, one that doesn’t crumble when praise fades or outcomes shift.

That kind of confidence isn’t flashy. But it’s unshakable.

If nothing else, hold onto this thought:
Your confidence didn’t disappear — it was trained out of you. Now, you’re training it back.

Start small.

Choose one habit that’s been tugging at you — a moment where you usually stay quiet, play it safe, or shrink. Next time you notice it, take a breath and speak one 10-second truth that reflects who you’re becoming.

That’s confidence in real time.

Working from the inside out is the better strategy because when your inner truth aligns, your outer actions naturally follow.

Written by: Grace Alexis
Timestamp: 8:00 am PST