“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response.”
— Viktor Frankl

When was the last time something completely set you off?

The holidays are approaching, and let’s be honest — even though the Christmas carols are playing and we’re talking about parties, plans, and all the festive things, not everyone feels that jolly cheer. Sometimes knowing we’ll be seeing family or friends more than usual can stir up anxiety or tension. The change of pace, the expectations, the emotional closeness — it can all feel like a lot.

So when that heaviness creeps in or you feel right on the edge of losing your cool, it can be surprising — especially if you’re someone who’s usually composed. But what if that moment wasn’t proof that something’s wrong with you?
What if it was actually a sign that something inside of you is ready to be recognized and healed?

When we become aware of our triggers, it means part of us is waking up. We’ve reached a level of self-awareness that allows us to pause and observe what’s happening rather than immediately react. That shift, from unconscious reaction to conscious noticing, is where real growth begins.

I remember living a big part of my life in my head. I was “functional” — analytical, logical, always thinking through everything — but completely disconnected from what my body was trying to tell me. I didn’t have the language to name what I was feeling or the awareness to meet my emotional needs in real time.

I gave so much power to my thoughts. I didn’t yet understand that not every thought is true or helpful. Some are just defense mechanisms, shaped by old experiences trying to keep us safe. So anytime I was triggered, I’d fall into my old patterns — reacting from a charged, defensive place instead of slowing down long enough to listen.

And that got me wondering:
Why do we spiral instead of slow down when we’re triggered?
And what if our emotional reactions are actually feedback, data, showing us where we need more care, compassion, or boundaries?

That’s what we’re exploring today.
How to use your triggers as your teachers — without spiraling.
How to catch yourself in the moment, regulate your emotions, and respond from a grounded, heart-centered place.

Understanding Triggers: What’s Really Happening When You’re Set Off

A trigger, to me, is any situation or event that causes a sudden sense of distress — something that activates an old emotional wound or memory, often without us realizing it.

It’s not always about what’s happening right now but what it reminds our nervous system of. That’s why a small comment, tone, or even a familiar environment can suddenly make us feel unsafe or reactive.

Sometimes it hits hard and fast, your heart races, your chest tightens, you feel heat in your body, or you shut down completely. What’s really happening is that your body is signaling, “Something here feels familiar and not in a good way.”

That’s the nervous system’s protective response kicking in. It’s not trying to ruin your day; it’s trying to keep you safe. But it doesn’t always know the difference between a real threat and an old emotional memory.

So when we’re triggered, what we’re really experiencing is a collision between the past and the present. Our body reacts to an echo of something unresolved, and our mind scrambles to make sense of it. That’s why triggers can feel so overwhelming, they collapse time and take us out of the moment we’re actually in.

When we can understand that, we can start to meet our reactions with curiosity instead of shame.

How to Use Triggers as Teachers (Without Spiraling)

Here’s the part where we get practical. Because recognizing a trigger is one thing — accepting it as a teacher is another.

1. Pause.
   The moment you feel that wave of emotion — stop. Even if it’s just a single breath. Instead of rushing to respond, give yourself permission to observe. Ask, “What’s actually happening inside me right now?”
2. Name what you feel.
   A trigger loses intensity the moment you name it. “I feel dismissed.” “I feel unsafe.” “I feel unseen.” You’re not labeling yourself. You’re labeling the emotion, and that gives it shape instead of letting it control you.
3. Notice the pattern.
   What’s familiar about this moment? Does it remind you of something from the past — maybe a tone, an unresolved conflict, a lifechanging event, a silence, or a lack of control? Awareness is your power here. You’re connecting dots your nervous system already sensed.
4. Soothe before you solve.
   You can’t think clearly in fight-or-flight. Before trying to “fix” the situation or justify your reaction, give your body what it needs: grounding breath, movement, stepping away. Calm first, clarity next.
5. Ask what this moment is teaching you.
   Every trigger is a message from an unmet need — the need to feel safe, heard, respected, or loved. Once you see that, you can begin to meet that need consciously.

Triggers are inevitable — but spiraling isn’t.
While this practice requires compassion, patience, and pratice, when you learn to meet your reactions with awareness, they become portals to deeper understanding and self-trust.

Your triggers are not here to shame you. They’re here to guide you back to the parts of yourself still waiting to feel safe, seen, and supported.

So the next time something sets you off — pause.
Ask yourself: What is this moment showing me about what I still need to give myself?

That’s where your real power begins. Not in avoiding your triggers, but in learning from them.

Written by: Grace Alexis

Timestamp: 8:00 am PST